Wednesday, October 9, 2013


Another year heading to NYCC and already I have been bombarded with "firsts" and it has only begun with trying the infamous red eye plane ride. 

I expect NYCC will be nothing short of spectacular however, a note to self -under all future circumstances I must avoid the "red eye" flights. 

In the wee hours of the night the general public , of ALL nationalities, are awkwardly nosey, grumpy, smell bad, have ridiculously small bladders, and  steal blankets.  Which according to DELTA rules red coveted paper blankets are "delegated only one per seat and if you 'snooze' you loose"...midnight humor by the overly optimist and cosmetically painted pink flight attendee.  (This statement left me stunned and frigid as I hobbled back to my seat in pure amazement.)

In the beginning of time -my career of being a flying patron-my optimum seat choice was the aisle. Easy come and easy go! Bada know the rest. 

Not on the red eye. Ohhhh nooooo!
Optimum seat choice my friend is smack dab in the middle of the aisle with a couple of Tylenol PM and a wine spritzer to wash those blue bad boys down apparently!
(I am strictly speaking from first hand observation experience ...real time)

Why the middle? Let me paint the picture. Get rid of the arm rests on both sides. Just lift them up. Bring your own oversized fleece blanket. Wrap yourself in it- then sit down. Put down the tray in front of you and squarely place your elbows in a wing span of 30ft on each side. This secures at LEAST 1/2 of each of your seating partners paid seating. You are a true success now, and a bonefide   sleeping machine - who ironically the flight attendants feel SORRY for because you must be so tired to sleep through all the traipsing up and down the aisles, the horrid midnight bodily order, and turbulence. This is how I came to know of the villain CAPTAIN SHE ZzzZZ!

Now, I am a small woman. A size 2. The cute 20 something girl in the window seat, opposite me, maybe a 0. The look of utter dismay justified we were in similar circumstances on both sides of the CAPTAIN. 

At one point, I noticed across the mass of SHE ZzzZZ that this girl  was so incredibly smashed up against the window she was practically riding wing side. However, I was jolted back into reality when I lost yet another bit of my shoulder and shin to the beverage cart. 

Oh, there was that one time when "wing side" (my pet name for my new comrade)  and I started talking for oh, 5 seconds, about how we had actually met at SLComic Con And what a small world it was. When suddenly our conversation was quickly ended by CAPTAIN SHE ZzzZZ  as she emerged from the fleece and we were both flashed with a face of a thousand terrors and horrors and then hushed in nothing less than that of a serpent spewing venom on its prey - immediate silence insured. 

"Wing side" seemed liked a nice girl. All cozy in that tiny window. That was fun to talk. 

As the flight progressed...for days, we finally started our approach for New York. 
SHE ZzzZZ emerged from her cocoon of hell and odorous smells and summoned the flight attendant for regular Tylenol and water. Hey aren't you supposed to wait for at least 4 hours? 

As soon as the seatbelt sign went on, and we started making our 15 minute decent - 25 people stood up to go to the restroom.  I was in utter awe! Pinky calmly but quickly was on the intercom - "we are approaching our final descent to New York please sit down." No one moved. 

Again.  The announcement.  I guess she just let them go because the traffic in and out went pretty fast. Until there was a Rabbi, a priest, and what I can only assume at this point HAD TO BE A MORMON BISHOP - all standing in line. I looked back and thought life just does not get any better than this at 4am mountain time/6am eastern.

Not a moment too soon did the holy trinity sit down before the plane was about to touch down - when lo and behold  two more people popped up to tinkle. Pinky got on the com quicker than the Tony Stark can create yet another IRON MAN suit, and in her nicest flight attendant don't make me pull this plane over voice , yelled, "SIT DOWN WE ARE LANDING PEOPLE!...thank you for flying delta, and welcome to New York. "

Note to self:

  1. Middle seat is where gods sit on red eyes. 
  2. Never cross a flight attendant in the middle of the night if your are freezing or you have to pee. 
  3. If flying the red eye - grab the first blanket you see and hold onto it like your life depends on it. 
  4. Wasn't there a horror movie at one time named red eye? has nothing on this. 

All-in-all, I am excited to be in the big apple to see friends, gather with others who love what I love, and to gorge myself in all things geek. 
NYCC here I come!